I wanted to write a letter to thank you for all the things you’ve done for me. As I get closer and closer to becoming a mom, I find myself thinking of you- of all the things I never realized, or said, or acknowledged. But the thank you is so big and so intense, words can’t see to convey it. Everything sounds fake or trivial or pretentious. Thank you doesn’t do it justice, but thank you is all I have.
Remember that quote you posted on Grammy’s Facebook wall for her birthday? “There's a story behind everything. How a picture got on a wall. How a scar got on your face. Sometimes the stories are simple, and sometimes they are hard and heartbreaking. But behind all your stories is always your mother's story, because hers is where yours began.” I’ve always loved that quote, and it’s always reminded me of you. You are the beginning of my story. You are the start of everything I am, and we bleed into each other because you are my foundation. I know what that feels like now. To be the beginning of someone’s story. To be the entry point. It is an honor and a responsibility, my greatest privilege and greatest fear. I desperately want to make my son proud of me.
In case I haven't told you lately, I am so proud of you. I am so honored to share my story with you. You were my first home, and you’ve taught me everything I know about being a person in this world. I am not just a better person because of you, I am a person because of you. I am me because of you. Everything that I am and ever could be is a direct result of you and the way you raised me, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to adequately thank you for that.
You’ve taught me how to be a person of passion, how to make chili, how to do laundry, how to smile at strangers and dip french fries in a Wendy’s frosty. You’ve taught me to love musicals, to work hard and honor my commitments, to take risks, and to apologize. You’ve taught me to host parties and help others and value family and always buy popcorn at the movie theater. And I thought I would stop needing you by now, but it’s proven to be the exact opposite. The older I get, the more I need you. Because you are the person who reminds me of who I am. And because I still have so much more to learn.
As nervous as I might be, I’m not really worried about being a good mom. I owe that to you. I have seen you raise and love baby after baby, and I know what it takes to be a good mother. I know that I have it in me, because I have you in me. Even if I’m half the mother you are, my child will be luckier than most. There will not be a day that goes by where he wonders if he is loved, and we both have you to thank for that.
It is an honor to be your daughter, and I can’t wait to add another link to our family chain. Thank you for sharing your story with me, for loving me profusely, and for always pushing me to be the best version of myself.
You are a phenomenal mother.